Day 4....with 30.5 days to go

30.5 days to go?  What do you mean?  You are on Day 4, that leaves only 26 days....are you unfamiliar with math?

Yes. Yes. Yes.  I know.  I screwed up.  It happens.

Today I woke up to a snowstorm...IN APRIL!  I like the snow as much as the next guy, but when you have been shovelling the white stuff since the middle of October you get to the point where enough is enough.  I have had enough.  I pulled the kids snow pants, mittens, toques, and snow boots out of the closet.  I ran upstairs and got my own "winter deflection" suit out of my bedroom closet.  It was horribly depressing.  I bundled up my kids and trudged across the field in the blowing snow to drop the 5 year old at the kindergarten door.  The whole walk back home the little guy (three) was grumbling bitterly about being cold, the only thing that kept him focused on not turning into a lifeless heap of child flesh was getting a hot chocolate at home.

We made it back to the house and I brewed up a pot of steaming hot tea.  I opened my coconut milk, added the perfect amount and stirred.  I knew once I had the first few mouthfuls in me I would feel better.  I merrily mixed up a cup of hot chocolate for the mini tator, poured a generous amount of milk in it, and then tested it to see if it was cool enough.  I put a straw in the cup, gave it to my son, and then stared in disbelief at what I had just done.  Three days of sugar withdrawal symptoms thrown out the window because I didn't want my kid to burn his mouth.

Okay, okay, I get it, it isn't a full blown failure.  Honestly, if it had happened on day 24 I wouldn't care. Sadly, it was Day 4.  Am I completely derailed? No.  Am I going to drive off to Costco and buy the biggest bag of chips known to man?  No.  Am I going to go through the cupboards and put all the potential contraband in a box to be hidden in the garage and only dispensed by "dad"?  Damn straight.

I am also going to add 4 days on to the original end date of my Whole30.  Why?  Because I want this to be a fully clean 30 days.  No mistakes.  I need this to be perfect, not for weight loss, not for inches lost, I need it to be perfect solely for me.  I need to know I can do it.  If I have to go a little OCD at first so be it.  Crazy just means I am more fun.

In other news I will be posting a recipe for a paprika chicken tomorrow.  I will also put up the recipe for the Potato family's favourite paleo rice!  Hopefully with pictures....stupid Instagram, or stupid me for not being smart enough to use it properly.  Tonight is menu and grocery planning night so expect a post on those topics - I can even put up receipts so you can see how the Potatoes budget for this.  Or what about a post about paleo/whole30 shopping?  

Day 3....27 More To Go

I've done this before.  I knew what to expect.  I was prepared for it.

No, no I wasn't.  This time is so much worse.  I remember reading on a few forum posts that the second time around is brutal for a lot of people, but I ignored that and thought I would be different. I was wrong.

I want to crucify a chocolate bunny and then eat its remains.  Yeah!  The scene would look something like this..... 

....except instead of Robert Carlyle with blood dripping everywhere....it would be me with the zombie eyes and the melted remains of an innocent Mr. Munchie Easter bunny all over my face.  Not pretty.   Imagine the background noise of two distressed children because mommy went "28 Weeks Later" on their Easter candy and you have a rough approximation of where I am at right now.  

Add to this the general sense of rage I am feeling over the fact that I have imposed this arbitrary embargo on all things sugar related and my day starts to get interesting.  I literally bounce between wanting to eat my weight in Toblerone bars to wanting drown myself in the shower because I am so pissed off at myself for not being able to eat the aforementioned sugar bomb (like my use of a big word there...I used to work for a lawyer).  I honestly do not know what way is up today.  All I really know is that I am on the verge of "pregnancy level" imbalance and I don't like it.   I am a monster.

Over and above that my mouth feels odd, like I have been sucking on a battery or something.  It's gross.  Metallic tasting.   I am drowning myself in water trying to get rid of it and it just won't go away.

Despite all this emotional turmoil and weird mouth business I did have a "breakthrough" of sorts today.  My kids were driving me nuts, I recognize they weren't doing anything unusually aggravating but, I was being driven up the wall regardless.  So, after picking up my oldest from kindergarten I decided to pack them into our car and drive to the den of inequity that is McDonald's and get them Happy Meals.  We were scooting along the road to GMO heaven when suddenly I thought, "what the hell are you doing?"  (sorry, but I actually think with curse words)  So, I kept on driving right to the Starbucks pick-up window and ordered a brewed coffee (black) and came home.  I prepared some leftover chicken, some soup, and a small salad.  Oddly enough my salad, soup and chicken did not leave me with that awful junk food feeling in my belly.  What's more, I actually feel sorta ... awesome about my choice to drive past McDirty's.  My kids, on the other hand were extremely perturbed that I would go to Starbucks and not get them cake pops.  Sorry tator tots, but if I am suffering you should too.  Have some carrots and celery instead.

This has been my day so far and it is only 3 PM.  I have 4 hours until the tator tots go to bed, 3 hours until Mr. Potato comes home, and about 37 seconds left of patience.  Tomorrow's post should be fun....or bitchy....only time will tell.

Toodles, my lovelies.

Happy Hump Day - sort of

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being EPIC level awesomeness, today was about 5.  Yeah a 5, and that is being generous.  Not because of any one thing really, the whole day just had an air of general "meh-ness" about it.  You know?

Because I have no idea who, if anyone is reading this (it shows views but the fact I am stalking myself on line has skewed my results a little) I have no idea what I should write about.  When in doubt it is always worthwhile to write about food!

So, you may or may not know I am participating in a Whole30, which is a lovely little elimination protocol created by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig.  They have a fabulous website/blog/forum at Whole 9 where you can read all about completing the Whole30 (see that, I even linked directly to the program).  Should you decide you would like more in depth information about it you can read about it in their book "It Starts With Food"  which is available at Amazon or at Chapters (okay, busted, I am Canadian - the links I provide will usually point to the Canadian sites, unless the items I am talking about are only available in the US).  Anyway, the program is basically a very strict version of "Paleo" style eating.  I am not, at this point, going to launch into a segment on Paleo however, I will confirm the details for those of you (if any) who are in the dark.  Basically, paleo-ites don't eat grains, we don't eat refined sugars, processed foods, or legumes, some of us eat dairy, some don't however, for the purpose of the Whole30 dairy is a no no, I am sure I am forgetting things I don't eat simply by virtue of the fact I haven't eaten them in a while.  What do paleo-ites eat?  Simple we dine on copious amounts of fresh vegetables, fresh fruit, luxurious and healthy animal protein sources.  We eat bacon although, not nearly as frequently as our blogs would have you believe.   

I am officially on day 2 of my Whole30.  I am tired.  I am unfocused.  I am having a severely hard time even focussing enough to write this.  Day two means I have had no sugar (except what is found naturally in vegetables) for 48 hours.  Honestly, my brain is not functioning.  My husband has also just started watching Top Gun....is there anything sexier than a naval aviator?  I mean seriously?  If your answer was yes....your answer was invalid.  There is nothing sexier than dudes that fly planes that land on ships. Now, where was I?  Damn you Tom Cruise.

So, breakfast.  Today I had mini pizza eggs from Paleo Parent's "Eat Like A Dinosaur" which are delicious, as well as some plain old oven roasted sweet potatoes.

Lunch was two hard boiled eggs and a fairly standard tossed salad and a green tipped banana.

Dinner was mustard glazed chicken from Balanced Bites, specifically her cookbook "Practical Paleo", some left over roasted brussels sprouts, and some more salad.

I would love to chat more but, honestly....I keep getting distracted by the antics of Goose and Maverick - because someone has lost that loving feeling.  Ohhhh, Maverick - I love you.

This is sugar withdrawal my friends, in all its absent-minded brilliance.

Beginning Again

Here I am, taking a break from the "Great Tuesday Cookup".  See, if you are lazy like me you eventually realize that if you don't want to spend an hour every day chopping and cooking in the kitchen you need to dedicate a few hours once a week doing simple prep work.  Trust me, SIMPLE.  

Today has consisted of:

1. Chopping Onions;
2. Washing, Peeling and chopping carrots;
3. Washing and breaking up some broccoli;
4. Creating a salad of epic proportions;
5. Baking some sugar and nitrate/nitrite free bacon;
6. Baking a dozen mini pizza eggs;
7. Roasting some sweet potatoes; 
8. Washing and chopping up some cauliflower to make a big batch of "faux 'tatoes"; and
9. Prepping some brussels sprouts for the oven tonight.

Sure, it seems like a lot but honestly, total prep time may have been an hour and a half.  Roasting the sweet potato and baking the egg "muffins" took the longest and all I did during that time was clean up and chop a few extra veggies.

I figure if I am going to be successful at this whole "healthy lifestyle" business I am going to need to find a way to accommodate my strong and deep rooted desire to do nothing before 9 am.  That means that cooking a breakfast from scratch, while a noble and worthwhile endeavour, is just not going to happen.  I know this about myself.  I am working around it.  It is why a couple of really smart guys (and possibly girls) got together and created the microwave...so people like me can reheat food and coffee in less than two minutes.

Something else I should share.  I always, always, always, always (get it....ALWAYS) cook enough veggies to get at least two full meals out it.  That way, if catastrophe strikes, I will have something that I can warm up in a pinch.  I also always cook double or triple the meat (by meat I mean "protein" so that could be fish, chicken, pork, seafood, etc.) I need for one meal.  Again, it all comes back to my inherit laziness.  Two days from now I can reheat my meat from tonight and serve it slightly differently.  It takes just as much time to bake 4 chicken thighs as it does to cook 8, so do 8 and save yourself the hassle.

On a slightly different note.  Exercise.  Yeah, apparently I need to do that too if I want to be healthy. I have a personal trainer.  He is awesome.  He is currently on vacation.  I am supposed to be doing "moderate cardio, some core work and stretching" while he is away.  I think he intended for me to go in to the gym to do these things but, I am lazy....and my car is in the shop (again - twice in a month ughh).  I am taking moderate cardio to mean that an hour and a half walk with two ginormous dogs - if necessary I will walk quickly.  I am also assuming that by core work he does not mean stretching my abs by filling my tummy with food so at some point today I will hit the deck and crank out a few variations of sit-ups, some planks and some other yet to be decided "core" exercise.  Stretching .... I have a yoga dvd....I am pretty sure a few downward dogs, sun salutations and warrior poses should cover that off.

That, my lovelies, is my day.  Day One of my 30 day Challenge to eat better, move better and feel better.  Tomorrow I will start posting pictures of my food (or at least the non-boring food).  I will link to recipes when I am able or I will link to the blogs/websites/cookbooks where I got the recipe from.  If I change things up within the recipe I will state that as well.

At some point I will put up a few "this is me now" pictures along with a few measurements as well.

Right now though I have to go entertain the mini potatoes or they will destroy my house.

Who am I?

All about me...the core details...I am a girl, a mom, a wife, a dog owner, and a former athlete turned epic beer and chicken wing consumer.  I love cooking, but mostly eating, food.  I am a prolific procrastinator.  I am also lazy.  I am addicted to convenience.  I love adventure.  I am always game for something new.  I love simple sentences.

Now I am staring down the barrel at 40 - okay it's still 4 years away - and the idea of "dieting" for the rest of my life is horrifying.  What is a lazy procrastinator like me supposed to do?  It is becoming rather obvious that simply reading fitness magazines and telling people I follow an "ancestral" eating template (all the while sneaking in chips, Pepsi and the occasional 3 or 4 Cuba Libres) is not working.  I am starting to think I may *gasp* actually have to do something.

Which brings me here.  I hate logging food, I despise calorie watching, or pulling out the old "journal" to talk to myself.  I do, however, love wasting time on the computer and writing ridiculously long emails full of pictures and details which I think are amusing. The idea of posting meals, and workouts and summaries of my day for people to read and find some humour in is alluring.

So that is what I will do.  My hits, my misses, my triumphs and my epic, if hilarious, failures.